SHS’s 2018

It’s almost the end of 2018 and as many do, I’m reflecting on what the year has brought.

Probably the biggest change for me has been giving up drinking. I’ve been dancing around the edges of giving up my beloved wine and the occasional margarita and I managed to stop on April 1. A lot of my ability to do so can be credited to the sober women’s community that I’ve been following. In particular, I started to read a few blogs – Hip Sobriety – and Laura Mckowen and listen to their podcast, HOME. After one night of drinking AGAIN I listened to the relapse episode and it really resonated. It took me awhile to muster up the courage to stop but I finally did. Other than a day of drinking in late August, I haven’t had any alcohol since then. I owe them and the other women in the sober community a great debt.

I’m glad I don’t drink anymore. I watch friends joke about it and a good friend’s husband died from it, but it doesn’t mean there aren’t days when I really want a glass of wine. As I’ve learned, society and popular culture is very influential and I feel a tug of regret when I’m watching a movie or show where the characters are drinking. Usually it’s a glass of wine, at home, in a beautiful setting, perfect lighting, beautiful glass. Some days I want to give in to the irritations or hardships that make up real life and plop on the couch with a glass of Chardonnay. So far, I have been able to redirect myself with a non-alcoholic option as I know all too well what drinking does to me. I am well versed in the sweaty, restless sleep and the dehydration and upset stomach of the next day. The headaches and numbness.The guilt and regret. The promises that it will be the last time. I don’t want to waste any more days. Too many people I know have health issues and would love to have all the days I have wasted feeling like crap after an evening of drinking.

I’ve been reading a lot of memoirs and biographies about drinking and recovery, all by women. This was really important to me in the early days of not drinking. I think I was searching for common ground, acknowledgement, and understanding and I found it. I read Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp, Blackout: Remembering the things I drank to forget by Sarah Hepola, The Recovering by Leslie Jamison, My Fair Junkie by Amy Dresner, I’m just happy to be here by Janelle Hatchett and Nothing Good Can Come from This by Kristi Coulter. I also read Catra Corbett’s book (Reborn on the Run) which includes both ultrarunning and addiction issues.

I got something from all of these books, though some I liked more than others. All were different, varied in format and voice, and severity of impact that drinking had on their lives. A few of these were not relatable to me. My drinking didn’t escalate in the same way or lead to unemployment, jail or even to a formal stint in detox or recovery. This is not to say that I’m any better or had less of a problem; just that my experience was different. I found more information in other resources, blogs, webpages, and podcasts. Home podcast was key for me, and I also listened to episodes of Unruffled, Annie Grace, and more recently, the Edit Podcast where the focus is on grey area drinking which is where I think I fall on the spectrum. Less focused on drinking but still relevant is Rich Roll’s podcast.

Another major thing this year was that my therapist retired in March. I have been at a stable place for a while, and was seeing her twice a month, but it has been hard. Because my depression was so severe and the recovery so long, I felt the need to be proactive and find someone else to have in place in case of relapse. Despite feeling pretty stable, I attended an event in honor of my late father in late May and felt rather unmoored emotionally by the experience. This prompted me to find someone new but ultimately, I decided it wasn’t a good fit. I struggled with having to explain things again and didn’t feel like we quite clicked.

I’m still volunteering at the library but resigned from a leadership position that I had taken. I’m slowly trying to recognize unhealthy situations and that I don’t have to fix everything. I have taken two classes to explore creativity and surprisingly, didn’t like the one that had to do with writing! I’ve enjoyed the drawing class and will be back to it in January.

This year has once again brought grief and loss into my life. A friend of mine was diagnosed with colon cancer in March and she died in August. We used to celebrate birthdays with almond croissants and Christmas with peppermint mochas. After a few visits to her cabin in the foothills, she died shortly after a camping trip with her family. I miss her quite a bit. Another friend’s husband died rather suddenly from the effects of alcoholism and I’m doing my best to support her while trying to recognize my need to establish boundaries for my own protection.

I’m pleased that I’ve travelled some this year and done some unique things that I probably wouldn’t have done if I wasn’t retired. We went to San Francisco for a Klimt Exhibit. I went to see Katy Perry and Pink in concert with my sister, and the Eagles and Zac Brown Band with my husband. (All of the concerts were enjoyed without alcohol!). We went to Kansas on my mom’s birthday in July (I know..HOT) and Tahoe a week later for my husband’s family reunion. We escaped the Sacramento heat and smoke in August for my birthday at the coast, and then did our first cruise to Alaska.

Exercise is still my love, mainly walking and hiking. I’ve added in cycling and did two formal events this year, the Chico Wildflower (30 miles) and the Foxy’s Fall Century (31 miles). I graduated to clip in pedals and promptly fell twice adding a few new scars to my legs. I still enjoy swimming and yoga twice a week has become my non-negotiable.
Like most of us, I continue to be searching, learning, and questioning. I’ve wondered often how well I know myself, after so many years being hard-wired to please others and do the “right thing.” It’s a bit horrifying to find myself with this question so late in life. There are still things I’d like to do and try, like spending a few days by myself, perhaps at a silent retreat, and go to Ireland. I’d like to kayak again. I’d like to meet more people who appreciate deeper conversation about books and ideas and kindness. And cats….because the girls have also been a big part of my world. Crazy cat lady, party of one.

Here’s to 2019. May yours be happy and healthy.


Who is Self Help Sunday?

A little bit about me


I’m a mid-fifties northern Californian who retired in November 2015. I’ve always liked to write, but haven’t really written much creatively since 6th grade. Sixth grade was when I wrote a story in my AP English class and it garnered a bit of praise from the teacher. Writing that story was almost an out-of-body experience. I woke up with ideas and the writing process flowed.

I read that story recently, and I cringed just a bit. Well, I was only in 6th grade.

Writing has been part of my work life but has mainly been in the form of varying types of government communication: legislative and policy analysis, programmatic and fiscal guidance, and grants. I’m looking forward to just writing what I want and being myself – whoever that is.

Because I’m not always sure. I’m very fortunate to have retired at a young age and it sure beats working. However, it is a transition. I’m still in the process of figuring all of it out.

So this is one of the things I’ve wanted to do: start a blog. So here it is. #blogging101 #retirement #writing

Six months.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

This morning I had my six month check up with my surgical oncologist. I haven’t seen her since my surgery on 12/18. My follow up post surgery was with her PA.

Things are fine, mostly. I still have redness from radiation all over that left breast, which she said would likely remain. I still have pain, depending on the day. It’s due to increased density from the radiation. I can’t wear bras comfortably, but she suggested doing so would help, especially a compression-type bra, like a sports bra. I’ll try. I find when I do wear one, for regular walks, cycling, etc, I have more pain.

She also wants me to revisit taking a medication to prevent a re-occurrence. For post menopausal women, these are aromatase inhibitors. I tried one for a month and had negative side effects – trouble sleeping, depression, irritability. I will get in touch with my medical oncologist to talk about trying another.

My husband’s birthday was yesterday and it was low key. We set off on a bike ride but we really waited too long as it’s been really hot here. He had some physical issues at our turn around, so I went back and was planning on getting the car to fetch him. Luckily, he felt better and was able to make it home. The rest of they day was eating Thai takeout, cupcakes from Icing on the Cupcake (they have a daily vegan one), and watching a movie. We rented “News of the World” with Tom Hanks and it was good. I like most of his movies. I got KT a new bike jersey (bright yellow) and tickets to see Hamilton here in Sacramento. I wasn’t sure he’d be too keen on that, as there has been a recent rise in COVID cases in the area. It’s not until September so hopefully things will get better.

I just finished a good book – When Will there be Good News by Kate Atkinson. It’s part of a series, and this one was particularly interesting to me because one of the characters was a young girl who was pretty scrappy. Check out the series if you like a well written detective/mystery genre.

PS. I am linking things just so you can find out more information.

Well, I hope everyone who reads this is staying safe and well.

It’s been awhile….Beeshell8’s new place

……..and now WordPress looks and acts completely different than when I blogged before so we will see how this goes. I’m another “refugee” from Sparkpeople, thus the “Beeshell8” in the title. Beeshell8 was my Spark user name, so am hoping this will help Spark friends find me here.

I started this blog several years ago, thinking and hoping I would write here in a more general way and about other things than fitness and weight loss, which is what the focus is on Sparkpeople. Also, Sparkpeople felt safer and familiar and change is hard. I was given the push back here when it was announced that the free Sparkpeople site is shutting down, and a different version will be available. Many folks who were regular bloggers on that site are migrating to different platforms. Quite a few are on Blogger, but thought I’d stay on WordPress for awhile. I like learning new things, but not as much as I used to.

So what’s new? I started this post almost a week ago, on a Sunday, the day I originally had planned to write! It’s been the usual hot here in Northern California like many places. We got a bit of a reprieve this week, so I was able to open the house in the evening and mornings to let the fan run, and enjoy some cool air. I’ve swam a few times, walked a few.

Last week I had an infusion treatment to address my osteoporosis. I guess when they find something wrong with you, like cancer, it’s the beginning of finding other things wrong. Which is what happened with the osteoporosis. I was supposed to start taking an aromatase inhibitor, to prevent the reoccurrence of future tumors, and that drug leaches calcium. So I had a bone scan and there it was.

I put off dealing with it for about a month. I had heard a few horror stories about the side effects and just DID NOT feel like dealing with it. But, I finally did and had the appointment last Saturday. It really was okay, much easier than radiation. I was in a private room and once the IV is in, you just wait until the bag is empty. I was tired afterwards, and slept for a few hours in the afternoon. Not like I was planning on doing much. It was 109 degrees!

This week I’ve been back to volunteering at our library. Although most branches don’t allow volunteers in, ours went through a move and re-model soon after COVID shut down most branches and so there has been a lot to do to get things ready. I’m excited about the changes; it’s all new carpet, furniture, technology and even a new collection of books for when we open.

So this will be my new home away from Sparkpeople, at least for the time, and hope my friends from there can find me here! Have a good weekend and thanks for reading.

The Little Things

Every month, I change my tablecloth. It’s a little thing that makes me happy – to have something clean and pretty to greet me in the morning. We eat breakfast in the dining room and it’s one of the things I really treasure, is being able to have that routine of drinking the first cup of coffee and reading the paper in the morning, along with KT and the cats. The first part of the month is when it’s clean….the cats get on there so by the end of the month, not so much…

This month, it’s tan with some blue flowers and green place mats. I’ve added a little car decoration that’s the same green as the tablecloths. I have quite a few little vases and things that were in the Colorado cabin that belonged to my grandparents. It’s difficult because this is the stuff that takes up space and no one really wants. I actually have another box of these things up above the garage that I never unpacked after one trip out to the cabin when my dad was still alive. He was pushing us to take stuff as the cabin was quite old and not winterized. In the past, it had been broken into.

The tablecloth! The table in the back near the window is for the cats…supposedly

So, this is just a little thing that made me happy after I got through a project that I had been putting off for the library.

Yesterday my happy was a 16 mile bike ride with a friend and stopping for Starbucks and discovering nitro cold brew with caramel and soy. Yum! I don’t get Starbucks regularly but this was great! And hit the spot, since we started our ride WAY too late for the hot weather we’re having the past two days. It was in the high 90’s by the time we got back at around noon and it’s 100 today.

Again and again, I’m reminded of how life is so short. Another person I know died recently of cancer, she was only 43. Sometimes I look at our sweet kitties and panic thinking I don’t know how I could say goodbye to them. Ken is getting older, he is tired a lot after his days at cardio rehab and rests in the afternoons. Heck, I’ve never been a napper but sometimes I feel like lying down too!

So there are my words for today. Thank you for reading and may you find your happy in the small ways today.


I’m a bit old school in some ways. I still like to read a newspaper though I augment it with daily news online. One of the things I noticed right off when we let our paper subscription lapse was that I didn’t do the daily word jumble and I didn’t clip out articles and comics.

That isn’t the worst thing – as I’ve just gone through the piles and stacks in my yoga room and tried to sort them, file them or throw them away. I haven’t gotten the hang of a system that I could file these electronically, and something seems lost to me if I don’t have the piece of newspaper to hold in my hands.

It’s a familiarity thing. My parents did this, and when I was at camp or at college, I often would get clippings, comics or articles from my parents in letters from them. Things they saw and thought I’d like. Something that I would find funny.

Yes, letters. That thing of the past that I am grateful I got to experience and now cherish. I have letters and notes from my parents that I can read again and look at their personal writing. I can see how they write “love” in their signature. I notice the change in their writing style and penmanship as they aged or went through their respective illnesses.

Messy, yes. Priceless, absolutely.

Do you still clip things out of the newspaper?

girl reading a newspaper

Photo by Kaboompics .com on Pexels.com

I won’t do this to you.

Meaning, I doubt I will write every day. Who knows. But the reason I say this is that I subscribe to a few blogs here, or rather “follow” them through WordPress and because I don’t want to have them all come to my regular email I have them sent to another folder.

And what that does is hide them. I forget to look, and then a bunch pile up especially by frequent bloggers, and then it is overwhelming. So don’t worry. I’m pretty inconsistent here and have about 3 people following me.

Whew. Had to get that out there.

I do hope to write more often. Because otherwise, it turns into a dissertation like yesterday and heaven knows, I hated grad school.

So I had a calm New Year’s eve, we watched a couple of forgettable movies and I drank my Fré sparking drink and went to bed at about 9. The highlight was face timing with my sister who is in New York. She got to see the ball drop from her hotel room. We are kind of dorks with this sort of thing (the face timing) so we were laughing at all of the filters. Yeah, late to the party.

Today I made the choice of spending time with my husband KT rather than doing something with a friend. Because I’m a bit of a people pleaser, it was hard for me to say no to the friend but did it. I’m glad. KT and I went for a walk, I got a couple of Redbox movies and found the Christmas blend Starbucks coffee on SALE. Two pound bags for $7!!! THAT never happens. And I just bought this same coffee for $10 a bag (ON SALE) before Christmas. It’s all in the timing.

I posted a list of all of the books I read in 2018 on Facebook and someone immediately corrected me because I had said 2019. It has been a bit of a thrill to have folks comment and share their reading lists. Have I mentioned I love books and reading?

I also did a bit of yoga. On my own, in my little room that will someday be a Pinterest worthy yoga/writing/self-care room. Right now, I have to shove piles of paper out of the way for my yoga mat and try to ignore the filthy carpet, but I’ve been trying to do this for several years and if I wait for perfect, it will never happen.

Happy New year. From me and mine to you and yours. — SHS

Any other readers or bargain shoppers?

Talbot’s is Timeless

It’s that time of the year. The time when I shift my clothes around. Technically, I have winter and summer clothes but the line between the two seasons is pretty slim. It doesn’t get very cold here so other than a few tank tops and shorts, a lot of things can be worn year round. Still, I make a point to go through things and move them from my closet to a trunk in the garage once it becomes winter. Which in California, means when the temperature drops to the mid 60’s.

Since I retired, I’ve been weeding out former work clothes as well. Let’s face it, I don’t dress like I used to – no need. My days prioritize a workout of some kind, then a house project or two. In the summer, I’ll wear some of the skirts I used to wear for work, but winter is mainly comfy pants (read: elastic waist) or leggings of some sort. Recently I found this awesome Old Navy leggings. I bought 3 pair and can’t wait to wear them this winter.

And despite the productive purge of the work wardrobe, I’ve held onto a few pieces. Most of the ones that are still with me are from Talbot’s. After my parents moved to the South in the mid-80’s, my mom would shop at Talbots for social events. I loved the wool suits, the velvet dresses for the holidays, the Christmas sweaters. When I began working, Mom would often give me a Talbot’s gift certificate for Christmas. The clothing was (and is!) rather expensive, but my sister and I would get up early the day after Christmas and hit the sale.  So the herringbone wool jacket and thin wale corduroy skirt that are now almost 25 years old remain in my possession.

The last time I got a Talbot’s gift card from my mom was in 2008. She had miraculously come out of the dementia that had taken hold of her in 2001, and was living at home with my dad. At Christmas that year, I woke up to a stocking filled with socks and earrings, even though I was well past the age of getting a visit from Santa. I also received a gift card from Talbots from mom; Dad made a point of telling me she insisted on shopping for it by herself. For the longest time, I couldn’t bring myself to buy anything with it and that gift card stayed in my wallet unused. It was the last thing my mom had gotten me all on her own and I didn’t want to let go of it. Not long after that Christmas, she became ill again and had to return to assisted living.

A few years ago, I went to Talbot’s with a good friend. She was shopping for work pants, and I found a wintry vest and another pullover – reminiscent of the happy pictures of snowy adventures that are a hallmark of the Talbot’s catalog. I used the gift card from Mom, for my purchases and also my friend’s. Mom would have wanted it that way. And those pieces of clothing will probably stay in my closet along with the others for many years. A reminder of the time my mom could still celebrate Christmas with me.

assorted clothes

(not Talbot’s; but the hangers are similar!)

“You will love it!” My first cruise

A review of my first cruise

That was the reaction when most people heard where we were going on vacation. Our first cruise.

For the longest time, a cruise was not something that had a lot of appeal to me. Being in the middle of the ocean with a LOT of other people we didn’t know; small places; no alone time- No thanks. You might pick up here that I’m a bit of an introvert and slightly claustrophobic.

I reconsidered it after my husband had the first of 9 stents placed in his arteries in 2014. An atypical heart patient, he has run 9 marathons and never smoked. We eat better than most people and he has never weighed more than 145 pounds.

But I have learned that there are lots of things in live that can’t be explained. This was one of them.

So we have adapted, by changing to a plant-based diet and adjusting travel plans. In 2016, we had gone to France for my cousin’s wedding and the next month he had a heart attack (he blames all of the cheese). Last year, I wanted to visit my uncle in Germany and he didn’t feel safe accompanying me. Having a heart scare when you are 40,000 feet over the ocean can be a bit of a problem.

So we decided we’d try a cruise. I wanted to go to Alaska to see the glaciers and the wildlife. I was also looking forward to cooler weather after a particularly hot summer in Sacramento. Working with a travel agent, we picked a cabin with a balcony on a higher deck so minimize the effects of motion sickness – another thing my husband is plagued with.

And….. It was a bit of a disappointment. The very things I was concerned about turned out to be issues for me. Lots of people everywhere. Eating meals was rather stressful as it was difficult to anticipate when the best time to go where there wouldn’t be crowds. Several times, we had to circle to area to find a table, swooping in as someone else was leaving.

There were also a lot of lines to go with the crowds. Lines to get on and off the ship. Lines to get on and off buses to go to excursions. And, of course, lines for food.

The food was overall pretty good. There was always a salad bar at lunch and dinner, and usually pasta and a taco bar. I had a hard time at breakfast as there was so much food that we don’t eat, including bacon and eggs. Lots of pastries which I love, but most were pretty average. We realized after one day that we could have room service as part of our fare, so we did that so we could have a quiet time to wake up.

rs 2

Another disappointment was the lack of wildlife seen on the excursions. The excursions are activities like whale watching and fishing, and we tried a couple of tamer ones. We took a bus to the Mendenhall Glacier and rode bikes in Skagway but both were overpriced for what we experienced. We saw one spout from a whale and one eagle.

But you can’t beat the beautiful views.

GB beautiful h20IMG_3217

WiFi is available only for a steep price on board so you are limited to information provided by the cruise. The ship had its own internet system, which was pretty limited in terms of usefulness. There was no real-time map of where we were going (hello! Google earth, people!) or the ability to learn about the area or the culture. I ultimately concluded that this was done intentionally, so to manage what information we received and gearing it towards the on-board cruise “experts” who gave periodic presentations in the main theatre.

So that last part was another thing I didn’t like. Always the selling. We went to a presentation on Levian Diamonds, and since I enjoy jewelry, we went. It was packed. Part of the draw was that there would be prizes and a free 1 carat sapphire. The prizes went to those who were close enough to the front for the presenter to hear their answers, and sapphire wasn’t free. The cost was a sales pitch for jewelry in the store before you could leave. I finally grabbed someone who was on their way out to see what the sapphire looked like. Nothing I wanted so we bailed.

So although I am very appreciative of getting to try this experience, I doubt we will cruise again. I could see how it would be a nice way to travel with family, and there were several groups on board that connected during meal time. For now, I am glad to be home in my own bed and enjoying our not-so-wildlife – our two cats. But I do sort of miss the room service – and the anticipation of what towel pet would await us along with the evening chocolates.

towel 2

#cruise #alaska #hollandamericaline #HAL


Bracing myself for Father’s Day. After Mother’s Day.

The holidays celebrating moms and dads are difficult when you’ve lost both of yours.

Note: I began writing this before Mother’s Day. Now it’s close to Father’s Day, another holiday I’m not thrilled about – because my Dad died on Father’s day 5 year ago. And whoopee, my mom died last year on the SAME DATE as my dad – June 16. So I’m going to go ahead and publish this, since I’m trying to be better about it.

Thanks for reading.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Ever since my Mom got sick (2001), I have dreaded this “holiday”. It’s never been a favorite, since I’m not technically a mom. I have two stepsons, but the relationship is not super close although I’ve known them since they were 5 and 8. They have a mom.

I have a mom, too but she died last year. She was gone in many ways well before that. Her behavior changed in about May of 2001 after a trip overseas with my dad. It’s strange what you recall, looking back. I remember her calling me right before she left and expressing some reluctance to go. She was never a big traveler. She had claustrophobia and agoraphobia with a hefty dose of anxiety mixed in. My dad’s position as a professor of surgery meant she had to participate in a lot of social events and travel, often serving as hostess. It was all really hard for her. The term “social anxiety” wasn’t around back then, but I’m sure she had that too.

About a week after the trip, my dad called me as I was getting ready to leave for a work trip. Mom had been hospitalized and from what I remember of the conversation, it was a little unclear exactly why. Apparently, she had been lighting cigarettes and trying to put them in drawers and in general, wasn’t making sense. She had been sleeping a lot, but that was normal for her as she also suffered from depression. I immediately called her at the hospital and talked to her. I think at first she thought I was her sister, who had died a year of two before. Then she talked to me for a few minutes and seemed fairly normal. I was crying and upset. I had long suspected that my dad would institutionalize her at some point. She had always struggled with various mental health issues and her inability to do the things he felt she should was a constant source of conflict between them.

Luckily, a friend convinced me to jump on a place and go out. The visit was a blur of hospital visits and time with my dad where we tried to untangle what was going on. While I was there, I discovered evidence that whatever was plaguing her had been going on for a while. A few months earlier during a holiday visit, I had noticed the mess and clutter but this time it seemed much worse. I found a bag of groceries in the garage that had never made it into the house or refrigerator. I answered a phone call from the insurance agent warning us that the car insurance was about to lapse. I found checks that had mom had started to write but never finished. While visiting her at the hospital, she was convinced that she was moving to Aspen to live with Robert Redford. You can laugh here; we did. She spoke of this with such confidence that my dad spent some time searching their home office files to see if indeed she had purchased some property out there.

Eventually she was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia (FTD)  “Eventually” meant that she was tested for anything and everything before this diagnosis emerged. I discovered that most people think dementia equals Alzheimer’s, and I would try to educate people before I tired of trying to explain it. Inevitably, the first question after stating her illness would be “does she know you”. I also got tired of answering that question, because it wasn’t that simple and I’m not sure why it matters to people.

She was 65 the year that she acquired her disease and that was the same year I turned 40. There were many years of mourning who she used to be and trying to grapple with her current state. I straddled roles of listener and supporter to my dad, and the role of acceptance and support for my mom. My own feelings of grief and loss were suppressed, emerging periodically around Mother’s Day, birthdays (hers and mine) and Christmas. I’ve found since her death, missing her and grieving hasn’t been any easier.

Recently, I was at an event where I caught up with her doctor, an expert in geriatric medicine. She said that she had come to the conclusion that we really don’t know much about the brain. And I think it’s true. There was a short period in 2007-08 when my mom seemed to recover. She began wearing makeup and jewelry suddenly and socializing with a person she had met in the facility where she lived. This person became a good friend to my mom and it was so sweet to see them laughing and giggling together. My mom was on a mission to come home, and when she did, the friendship lapsed.

Last year, she went on hospice in April and as I went to buy her a Mother’s Day card about this time last year, I hesitated. Usually I wouldn’t spend a lot of money on cards, as most of the time she wouldn’t open them. This year I did – I was cognizant that this might be the last year she would be around to send a card to. And it was. It’s a terrible thing to be thinking ahead of such things, but that was the reality. When we cleaned out her room, I kept that card.

I find it a bit puzzling/jarring when asked if I was close to my mom. I know this is a common thing to do. But though I wouldn’t define our relationship as close, especially when comparing it to others, it didn’t mean I didn’t love her. As one of my friends said, no one else is your mom.

Still missing mine.

light nature sky sunset